The Official Site for the Lackluster Goings-On of Michael Kaiser
Funny Books
Sleep Running
Mar 11th
Eleven days of working out straight. I alternate between running and strength training, which barely affords my crippled, old body the rest it needs after I thrash a section of it. So far so good, except today I half-assed my run because I couldn’t shake some lung wheeziness. It happens. I’m fairly confident I’ll be where I want to be by race day, and if not, live and learn. At least I’ll be in a better place than I was last week.
The Dude wakes up two or three times a night, but the the third time is usually around when my alarm would be going off anyway, so it’s really just the midnight and 2am bits that aren’t working for me. Lately I think I’ve been sleeping through it more though, which makes me feel somewhat bad, because then The Girl has to do everything. But when I was waking up for it, The Girl had to do everything anyway, because she’s the only one who can do what he’s crying about…aka feed him. I’m not sure why I feel compelled to be awake just because she is, but I do. I was raised Catholic, what can I say? Guilt it my imaginary friend. The sucker’s getting big though, up the 11+ lbs already. Can’t wait until he grows a neck or becomes a little more mobile. He’s like carrying around a jellyfish all the time right now.
The Kid seems to grow another inch with each passing weekend. I think she’s trying to be taller than me. She’s learning to read and do math too. I think she’s trying to be smarter than me. I don’t like this. I want her to stay short and dumb, but she apparently has other plans. Hopefully when the time inevitably comes I can still take her, or at least out run her!
Off to the in-laws next month. Looking forward to getting the hell out of Dodge and sleeping in. Hopefully it’s not too hot. Of course, for some reason we scheduled the trip to at the same time WonderCon is going on, so I guess I’ll miss that once again. I used to go religiously, but since I got out of the game I’ve missed the last three years. I’d like to go again some day, but there’s always next year!
I Say Thee Yay!
Nov 24th
I’m behind on posting stuff. But who cares, let’s look at the latest cast announcements for Thor!
 |
 |
| Chris Hemsworth | Thor |
 |
 |
| Tom Hiddleston | Loki |
 |
 |
| Anthony Hopkins | Odin |
 |
 |
| Natalie Portman | Jane Foster |
 |
 |
| Stuart Townsend | Fandral |
 |
 |
| Tadanobu Asano | Hogun |
 |
 |
| Ray Stevenson | Volstagg |
 |
??? |
| Kat Dennings | ??? |
Chris Hemsworth as Thor – He was cool as James Kirk’s daddy in Star Trek. Otherwise, don’t know much about him. Apparently he’s bigger in Australia or something. Might be on the young side, but it’s an origin story, so that’s probably a good thing. And Thor’s nigh-immortal, so why would he be old anyway? Thumbs up!
Tom Hiddelston as Loki – Never heard of him. Looks creepy. Thumbs up!
Anthony Hopkins as Odin – Ugh. I’m tired of him. He plays the same role in ever movie and the role he plays is nothing like how I perceive Odin. Thumbs down!
Natalie Portman as Jane Foster – Ugh again. I’m sure she can play a nurse pining for a god just fine, but I’m tired of her eeking into my geek movies. Especially since she never seems to appreciate the success she gets from being in them. Thumbs down!
Stuart Townsend as Fandral – All I know him from is Queen of the Damned but sure, why not? Thumbs up!
Tadanobu Asano as Hogun – Never heard of him, but he looks like he could be mean and stuff. Thumbs up!
Ray Stevenson as Volstagg – I liked him in Rome, but they better make him a lot fatter and hairier. He was also just in a Marvel movie that tanked, but it probably wasn’t his fault. Thumbs up!
Kat Dennings as ??? – Hard to say when you don’t know who she’s playing. Lady Sif? Actually, I don’t care who she’s playing, she always comes off as stoned. Thumbs down!
I have no idea how this movie is going to turn out. Kenneth Branagh at the helm is probably a plus. Not to say that I’m his biggest fan, but at least the movie won’t be silly or gimmicky. I’m curious how they will accomplish melding a heavily based magic film with the likes of Iron Man or Spider-Man. Hopefully well since all these people are supposed to join in Avengers, which will be the absolute coolest thing ever if Marvel can pull that off, especially before DC!
Oh and…!
 |
 |
| Samuel L. Jackson | Nick Fury |
Samuel L. Jackson as Nick Fury – Another guy I’m tired of, but you can’t argue with the likeness, and I love that he keeps popping in to tie all these movies together. Thumbs up!
Junk Drawer: Micro-Heroes – Old Template
Oct 16th
I got a folder on my server called “zzzfiles” which I use to store a bunch of junk I don’t know what to do with but don’t necessarily want to delete either. It occurred to me today I can just as easily store most of its content on my blog, thereby streamlining my file keeping and allowing the files themselves to (however briefly) see the light of day.
So let’s start with the Micro-Heroes directory. Back when sometime, I used to actively post at ComicBoards.com, and even moderated one or three of their boards. During that time, the Micro-Hero craze kicked in and I joined in along with everyone else. I won’t get into the whole history, but you can read about it here. I will mention that the part about storTroopers threatening a lawsuit was my fault, because I created a Webring for Micro-Heroes. I think all they were really asking for us to do was drop the Webring, but everyone freaked out and dropped the original template all together. Oh well.
The following are Micro-Heroes I created, that I managed to keep, in the old template style. I like the old template much better, way more cookie-cutter than the new stuff. I think there were a lot more of the old template that I lost, especially in the Green Lantern department. At one point I was trying to make a Micro-Hero for every known Green Lantern, but now I don’t have any! I wonder if someone out there saved them?
Captain America
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
| Captain America | Nomad w/ Cape | Nomad | The Captain w/ Stark Shield | The Captain w/ T’Challa Shield | The Captain |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
| Superia Stratagem | Ex-Patriot | Captain America w/ Plasma Shield | Super Patriot | Captain America Jr. | The Patriot |
 |
|||||
| Wing Flappin’ Avatar | |||||
Star Trek
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
| James T. Kirk | Spock | Leonard McCoy | Montgomery Scott | Hikaru Sulu | Uhura | Pavel Chekov |
Command Uniforms
Engineering Uniforms
Medical Uniforms
Doctor Who - I meant to do all 10, but alas…
 |
 |
| William Hartnell | Patrick Troughton |
Miscellaneous
 |
 |
| Iron Man | Nexus |
El Hombre Mas Rapido Vivo!
Jul 24th
I saw a Spanish FLASH cover on Facebook today, and that was the sub-title. It’s amusing me more than it should. I suppose it doesn’t sound funny if you speak Spanish, but I don’t, so it sounds funny. For those not in the know, The Flash is “The Fastest Man Alive!” so I assume that’s what the above translates too, but according to Babel Fish, it translates to “The Alive Fast Man But!” But online translators tend to suck, so…
Anyway, I came across the cover because I’ve been in a Flash mood today. I had forgotten how much I like that guy (or rather guyS, since there are a billion Flashes, all cool). Before the Great Comic Purge, I collected him fairly religiously, starting regularly with Waid’s run, but then going backwards to volume 1, managing to get most of those as well. One of my earliest introductions to the Flash was FLASH #346. I’m not sure where I got this issue, possibly from the same place I got the other two I reminisced about previously. While #257 was apparently also in my life, I would have to blame #346 for sparking my desire to collection volume 1 issues, if anything just to see how THE TRIAL OF THE FLASH turned out! (And if I recall correctly, it turned out oddly, but that’s besides the point.)
Here’s what I THINK I remember about the issue that struck my young brain as entertaining:
- The Flash was on trial for murder. What the heck? Superheroes murder? Superheroes get arrested? Gah!
- The Flash’s lawyer wanted him to reveal his identity on the stand. Oh no!
- The Flash has a new face and doesn’t look like Barry Allen anymore!
- His old face got beat up really badly by a mace(?) weilding supervillain, so he got it fixed at Gorilla City. Superheroes can get beat up? No way!
- The villain Flash supposedly killed shows up at the end with a big splash page, and not only does he have The Flash’s powers, he wears his costume, only with reverse colors! (My love for villainous opposites officially begins here!)
Of course, it turned out the returned Professor Zoom was really Abra Kadabra, and that one of the fat jury dudes was really The Flash’s supposed dead wife Iris, and then she and The Flash end up moving to the future where they live happily ever after for a few weeks, and volume one of THE FLASH is over.
Here are some reasons to love The Flash:
- The guy has one power (speed), but uses it so diversely that he makes guys like Superman seem like lazy chumps. Not only does he run faster than lightning spit, but he can shift his molecules to pass through objects and shrug off physical attacks, create whirlwinds with his pinky, absorb vast amounts of knowledge via speed reading and travel through time courtesy of his cosmic treadmill invention (and later, under his own power)!
- Speaking of time travel, he does that. A-lot. And I like it because I dig time travel, even if it doesn’t always make sense.
- His roster of villains is second only to Batman. Heck, they’re so cool, they have a name…The Rogues! (I didn’t say it was a clever or original name, but still!) And two of them come from the future (see previous point), so that’s also cool!
- He has his own museum. Quicksilver doesn’t have his own museum.
- The Flash isn’t just one person, oh no…it’s a legacy! There seems to be a Flash for every generation, from WWII all the way up to the 853rd century!
- He’s so fast, he answers all his fan mail personally.
- The Flash is the ultimately wish-fulfillment. Both Barry Allen and his prodigy, Wally West, wanted to be like The Flash when they grew up, and they got their wish! (Both bizarrely struck by lightning in the same lab with the same chemicals, but hey! that’s 60’s DC for ya!)
- He told off Green Arrow once, which is cool because I don’t particularly like Green Arrow.
- Barry Allen ushered in the Silver Age of comics books with SHOWCASE #4.
- The Flash seems more fun than most superheroes, possibly because when you move faster than the speed of light you don’t have to worry too much about death and stuff. Not that he hasn’t come close the death, of course, and actually Barry DID die for a good while there, but it seems like most adventures don’t pose much of a threat. More cerebral challenges, than anything else.
- And my brand new reason, as of today…he’s officially FASTER THAN SUPERMAN!
Okay that’s just a stupid Fanboy reason, but whatever! Hey, if you’re only power is speed, you’ve gotta be able to beat Superman, otherwise what’s the point of your existence? It’s also a fresh development that will probably get proven wrong by the next Superman writer to come along, but oh well.
And now for some inexplicable reason, I feel like slamming Superman some more, so here:
And here:
The End.
Funny Books
Mar 19th
It smells like comics today. I say or think that often, especially around this time of year. I’m not sure what comes first, me thinking about comics and then the smell, or the other way around. It’s probably the weather. It’s comic convention weather. It’s “riding my bike to the local comic shop after school with my backpack straps digging into my arm pits and my no-longer-needed jacket tied around my waist” weather. Most days I’m cool with my decision to quit, but some days I feel the jones. Days that smell like this, in particular.
So just for fun, here are the first two comics I remember owning: Detective Comics #527 and The Flash #257. (I just realized right now that the numbers are virtually the same, only the first two inverted. Crazy.) I did not buy them. I believe they were given to me by an aunt or some other collateral relative. I also think there were more than just these two, but these are the only two I remember with any sort of clarity. They had a bumpy, water damaged feel to their covers. I remember really digging Batman art, but was confused by why Robin was a blond (didn’t understand there were more than one Robin and the Robin featured in this issue was an up and coming Jason Todd). I also remember thinking the super power of the Golden Glider was fairly weird and no match for the Flash. (But what is?)
I do not think either of these comics were my first exposure to superheroes. I watched Superfriends like every other kid. I played “Super Mike” in the backyard sporting the cape my mom made me from extra fabric she had lying around. I woke up at 5am to watch reruns of the West/Ward Batman tv show. (Which I took quite seriously at the time!) But I’m pretty sure these were my first comics, not counting some kiddie Disney stuff or something. When did I get them? No clue. On or after June of 1983 (Detective cover date), which would have made me 8. Sounds about right.
Tight Washing
Dec 15th
I should really be posting about real life stuff, but here’s something more interesting instead. On Facebook, they have “pages” for products, organizations, people, etc. I think the idea, at least for people, is for the page to be run by the actual person, or at least that person’s rep, but of course everything from Homer J. Simpson to Mr. Magoo has a page because anyone can start a page. And once you start a page, other people can be fans of that page. So I looked up Batman and Superman, and of course they are there, but in terms of fans, Batman is winning 143,999 to 104,831. That’s a pretty big margin. I always thought it was Superman and Jesus in terms of national recognition, but I guess Batman started wearing Kryptonite underwear. I generally like Batman characters and stories better than Superman, but for some reason I’m bummed Superman is not winning, all the same. Maybe because Supes was first, so should get props. Maybe because it means this world prefers cynical to optimistic. Whatever, here’s a funny picture:
