The Official Site for the Lackluster Goings-On of Michael Kaiser
Posts tagged superman
El Hombre Mas Rapido Vivo!
Jul 24th
I saw a Spanish FLASH cover on Facebook today, and that was the sub-title. It’s amusing me more than it should. I suppose it doesn’t sound funny if you speak Spanish, but I don’t, so it sounds funny. For those not in the know, The Flash is “The Fastest Man Alive!” so I assume that’s what the above translates too, but according to Babel Fish, it translates to “The Alive Fast Man But!” But online translators tend to suck, so…
Anyway, I came across the cover because I’ve been in a Flash mood today. I had forgotten how much I like that guy (or rather guyS, since there are a billion Flashes, all cool). Before the Great Comic Purge, I collected him fairly religiously, starting regularly with Waid’s run, but then going backwards to volume 1, managing to get most of those as well. One of my earliest introductions to the Flash was FLASH #346. I’m not sure where I got this issue, possibly from the same place I got the other two I reminisced about previously. While #257 was apparently also in my life, I would have to blame #346 for sparking my desire to collection volume 1 issues, if anything just to see how THE TRIAL OF THE FLASH turned out! (And if I recall correctly, it turned out oddly, but that’s besides the point.)
Here’s what I THINK I remember about the issue that struck my young brain as entertaining:
- The Flash was on trial for murder. What the heck? Superheroes murder? Superheroes get arrested? Gah!
- The Flash’s lawyer wanted him to reveal his identity on the stand. Oh no!
- The Flash has a new face and doesn’t look like Barry Allen anymore!
- His old face got beat up really badly by a mace(?) weilding supervillain, so he got it fixed at Gorilla City. Superheroes can get beat up? No way!
- The villain Flash supposedly killed shows up at the end with a big splash page, and not only does he have The Flash’s powers, he wears his costume, only with reverse colors! (My love for villainous opposites officially begins here!)
Of course, it turned out the returned Professor Zoom was really Abra Kadabra, and that one of the fat jury dudes was really The Flash’s supposed dead wife Iris, and then she and The Flash end up moving to the future where they live happily ever after for a few weeks, and volume one of THE FLASH is over.
Here are some reasons to love The Flash:
- The guy has one power (speed), but uses it so diversely that he makes guys like Superman seem like lazy chumps. Not only does he run faster than lightning spit, but he can shift his molecules to pass through objects and shrug off physical attacks, create whirlwinds with his pinky, absorb vast amounts of knowledge via speed reading and travel through time courtesy of his cosmic treadmill invention (and later, under his own power)!
- Speaking of time travel, he does that. A-lot. And I like it because I dig time travel, even if it doesn’t always make sense.
- His roster of villains is second only to Batman. Heck, they’re so cool, they have a name…The Rogues! (I didn’t say it was a clever or original name, but still!) And two of them come from the future (see previous point), so that’s also cool!
- He has his own museum. Quicksilver doesn’t have his own museum.
- The Flash isn’t just one person, oh no…it’s a legacy! There seems to be a Flash for every generation, from WWII all the way up to the 853rd century!
- He’s so fast, he answers all his fan mail personally.
- The Flash is the ultimately wish-fulfillment. Both Barry Allen and his prodigy, Wally West, wanted to be like The Flash when they grew up, and they got their wish! (Both bizarrely struck by lightning in the same lab with the same chemicals, but hey! that’s 60’s DC for ya!)
- He told off Green Arrow once, which is cool because I don’t particularly like Green Arrow.
- Barry Allen ushered in the Silver Age of comics books with SHOWCASE #4.
- The Flash seems more fun than most superheroes, possibly because when you move faster than the speed of light you don’t have to worry too much about death and stuff. Not that he hasn’t come close the death, of course, and actually Barry DID die for a good while there, but it seems like most adventures don’t pose much of a threat. More cerebral challenges, than anything else.
- And my brand new reason, as of today…he’s officially FASTER THAN SUPERMAN!
Okay that’s just a stupid Fanboy reason, but whatever! Hey, if you’re only power is speed, you’ve gotta be able to beat Superman, otherwise what’s the point of your existence? It’s also a fresh development that will probably get proven wrong by the next Superman writer to come along, but oh well.
And now for some inexplicable reason, I feel like slamming Superman some more, so here:
And here:
The End.
Here Comes The Groom
Jan 13th
Christmas was a blur. The Kid made out like a bandit, otherwise I remember little. The usual get-togethers, the usual dinners. The in-laws stayed at our place, (I have in-laws now -weird!) so that made it more interesting, but in my head at least, it was all about the impending wedding, and Christmas was just a hurdle to get through, especially financially. Simple, fun, and then done.
Rehearsal was the next day. It went much quicker and more chaotically than I thought it would. For one, it was freezing, (for California anyway), which wasn’t a good sign, since the rehearsal was around the same time as the wedding was going to be the next day. So everyone was shaking and shivering while we did a quick walk through of the “here comes the bride” bit. It was fairly easy, though the flower girls pretty much ran around ignoring everyone. I was surprised we didn’t go over anything else like announcements, food, dancing, toasts, etc., but what did I know? After rehearsal we went home where take out had been ordered from a Mexican place in Morgan Hill, and we ate and drank and then I took off for a hotel, because I couldn’t see the bride on the morning of, and none of my family have allergy free houses I can stay at. (Cats! Lots of cats!)
The hotel was fairly ungood. I actually got my hotels confused when I booked the room online because I thought I was staying at a different place that probably would have been better, but oh well. It was for one night, and after a week of a full house and various family events, it was nice to have a quiet night to myself, where I could toss and turn all night. I don’t think if I was nervous in the “oh man I’m going to be committed for life tomorrow” sense, but more in a “I hope everything goes right and I don’t trip and fall on my face or something” kind of way. Whatever it was, my brain and stomach wouldn’t shut up, so I didn’t get much sleep. Somehow I doubt most people get much sleep before their wedding day.
The next morning, I went and got The Girl’s car washed and then got ready to go in time for check out, at which point I had about three hours to kill before I had to be “at the church” (aka the golf course), so I went to my parents house and chilled with them and my brother and his girlfriend, who had just flown in the night before. My nervousness had turned in to a surreal calm by that point, and it seemed odd to me that all this talking and planning for the last six months was finally going to pay off today.
Went to the golf course, so I could hurry up and wait. The Girl and her party were already their, prepping in their area, and it was really weird knowing she was in the same building as me but we couldn’t say howdy or anything. I hid in the boy’s lounge until it was my time to take Groom pictures, which were as tedious as the engagement shots, but I guess that’s what we’re paying for.
Lots more waiting and pacing and then all of a sudden “it’s time” and I’m on my way down the hallway passing familiar faces who all greeted me and threw words at me I don’t remember and then I was on my way to the alter locked arm in arm with my parents, and flower girls were walking down the aisle looking all cute and behaving themselves, and I got choked up when I saw The Kid come down the aisle for some reason, which wasn’t good since the ceremony hadn’t even started yet and I was already losing it, and then The Girl came around the corner with her father and she looked beautiful and my head started floating about four feet above my shoulders wondering how the heck I suckered her into all this and then I was shaking her dad’s hand and he passed her over to me and I couldn’t take my eyes off her as the minister started saying stuff, who knows what it was, and I caught a look from The Kid who gave me a wink and thumbs up and I found that funny and odd because I didn’t know she knew how to do either of those things, and then we repeated our vows to one another, who knows what they were, and The Girl got all choked up which made me choke up and then we were pouring sand in a vase thing with our mothers and her daughter and then we were man and wife and I was kissing her and she was telling me to slow down as he walked back down the aisle together.
In other worlds, it all happened so fast! After that though, we had a brief moment to breath and talk to each other as everyone went to the bar while we hid in the hall, waiting for the photographer to take more pictures. It was cold outside so we limited the family shots to a few big group shots, and then The Girl and I spent a loooooong time outside taking photo after photo. Ultimately I’m sure we will not regret this, but at the time, I wanted to be in the bar drinking something to warm me up. At least I had a jacket, by the end of the shoot The Girl’s sleeveless arms were going to fall off, I think.
Finally it was over and we got to go inside and have a quiet moment at the bar, get a few drinks to warm up and wait to be announced. Got to watch the photos or our childhood we collected and scanned rotating on the tv screen, which was cool. Then we were announced and inside the reception area and sat down for all of two seconds before we were up going to table to table saying hi to everyone. It’s weird how, despite being the guests of honor, it seemed harder for us to socialize than anyone else. I guess that’s just how weddings work. I want to see the pictures of all the stuff we missed while we were away doing bride and groom stuff.
Got a few bites of food, two great toasts from both dads, and then it was on to the first dance. I don’t dance, never have. We took lessons to get me through this. Five lessons, and we didn’t practice outside of these lessons, so I was pretty nervous about how we’d do. The dance floor seemed much tinier than I thought it was going to be, and the crowd much bigger. I don’t think we took a single step right, at least it didn’t feel like we did, but The Girl was happy with it, and everyone else seemed happy with it, so I’m happy with it. At least it was over quickly. Then off to more dancing with parents, and money dance, and then just general dancing. I think I made up for the “never dancing in my life” thing on that dance floor, and The Girl danced twice as much as I did. Of course, now that I’ve done it, she’ll expect it from me at future weddings and events, but oh well.
After the first dance, it was pretty much all fun for me. It’s still a blur, but I got to see lots of people I haven’t seen in a while, and managed to talk to most of them. It was a much better time than I thought it was going to be honestly, since I usually don’t do these things well. I think neither of us could have asked for a more perfect day. It went off without a hitch…well except for the one.
After that we were off to Carmel for an all too brief honeymoon and then back to reality. Still don’t have the professional pictures yet, but other people brought cameras and my Facebook was flooded with tags when I got back.
Life is now pretty much the same, except I have an itchy ring finger, and we’ll get a nicer tax break this year. And I get to say “my wife” in sentences now, which is still taking some getting used to.
So I’m married now…to the love of my life…two and a half weeks strong…w00t!
BTW, this is the cake topper The Girl surprised me with! Cool eh?
And actually…shouldn’t I be upgrading “The Girl” to “The Wife?” Still weird!
Tight Washing
Dec 15th
I should really be posting about real life stuff, but here’s something more interesting instead. On Facebook, they have “pages” for products, organizations, people, etc. I think the idea, at least for people, is for the page to be run by the actual person, or at least that person’s rep, but of course everything from Homer J. Simpson to Mr. Magoo has a page because anyone can start a page. And once you start a page, other people can be fans of that page. So I looked up Batman and Superman, and of course they are there, but in terms of fans, Batman is winning 143,999 to 104,831. That’s a pretty big margin. I always thought it was Superman and Jesus in terms of national recognition, but I guess Batman started wearing Kryptonite underwear. I generally like Batman characters and stories better than Superman, but for some reason I’m bummed Superman is not winning, all the same. Maybe because Supes was first, so should get props. Maybe because it means this world prefers cynical to optimistic. Whatever, here’s a funny picture:
